How do you know if you’re happy?

I am retired. Am I happy? I can do what I want. I always wanted to do what I wanted. But now that I’m here, I don’t know what I want.

I was thinking about saving; investing in a term deposit perhaps to grow my nest egg. I asked my husband of 45 years what he thought, and the answer was “you don’t need to do that”, and I don’t. My home is fine, it suits my needs. I don’t owe anybody anything, for anything. I should be happy.

I’ve decided I’m not entirely sure what that means. I can look back at times in my life and say, well I was happy then. And typically I am thinking about some event or aspect of my life at the time, through a comparative perspective and distance of time, role, finances… But am I happy now?

In this chapter of my life, I am secure, relatively healthy, but a little past my prime for fitness, skills and contemporary knowledge and expertise. I’m at an age where it is assumed I am not sharp and my relevance to the fast-paced world of the worker is dimmed. But relevance to the world of work doesn’t seem important. I’m keen to do something important.  But I’m wistful, purposeless from day to day.

I could do anything. I’m still pretty smart. I have friends and a sprinkling of light responsibilities. Yes I should be happy … maybe I am. I might think so when one day in the future I reflect on this time in my life, and say yes I was happy then.