Pandemic pandemonium

Nan Bahr, September 1, 2020

Twenty two weeks have now passed since I have spent more than a few hours at farther than 5 minutes from home. Twenty two weeks, or 154 days, edging up to half a year. Rather than dwell on the potential mental health crisis that may be looming for me, in the style of Sue Townsend’s  best selling novel The Woman who went to bed for a year, I thought I might choose positivity and list the things I have learned during this experience. Here are five of them.

1. Ordering online turns simple shopping into something akin to Christmas morning each time the postie beeps at the gate. But beware, the online description often is completely out of kilter with the delivered reality. I have learned that life sized is not the same as life like. I have learned that if you are not scrupulously careful you can accidentally order 3 tubas. That’s right, 3 of those very large musical instruments. Also beware of the magical solutions for whitening teeth, cheap dental veneer packages (check this video), window crack solutions and so on.
2. My dog and I have a new relationship. But again, beware. The dog is still a dog, and although you might feel more normal pretending that you have a human to speak to if you dress the dog in jumpers, t-shirts, hoodies, or one-sies (yes again the magic of online shopping), the bottom line is … you are not being normal!
3. You can reacquaint yourself with a range of home based hobbies. But … a 3000 piece jigsaw, a 4000 piece dominoes construction, learning Latin, building a car from Lego®, all at the same time as completing a paint by numbers of your own dog … is probably over the top.
4. Home renovations are also fantastic during a pandemic. Yet this is where pandemonium can really emerge. For example, it is highly unlikely that any You-tube lesson on tessellated tiling of your front porch will be sufficient to match your skills with a professional. Last but not least;
5. It is lovely to be able to work at home, no travel time, no morning circus trying to get ready for the day. But, and this is the big butt, the whole experience is just that little bit too close to the kitchen, the fridge, the pantry, and online grocery shopping can lift your resources literally into the gourmet realms. This can lead to a degree of dormancy that will pile on the sedentary pounds.

For all the craziness, the home is where the pandemonium is during this pandemic. Is this the new normal?